While You Were Sleeping!

That is the title of my most favorite movie in the world.  However, on Oct 17, 2012 it became my reality.  I will never forget how I felt that morning.  I have already forgotten some of the things that happened that day, but when something like this happens it truly "rocks" your world and you never forget the way you felt.  Many miracles.... That is the phrase that describes those 2 weeks. I think back to those overwhelming moments, the highs and lows, and I am still amazed by what happened and how it happened.  Let me first share the story.  I will need a whole different post for the true miracles. 

But I feel like I need to tell the story from my perspective........Wednesday morning I was sleeping peacefully, when Elizabeth came into the room and told me mom needed me upstairs immediately.  I wondered why it couldn't wait until I was ready to wake up.......... but stumbled up the stairs anyway.  I could tell by the look on her face that whatever she was going to tell us was not good.  She told us that Dad had collapsed at work and was on his way to the ER.  The house became a flurry of activity.  Finding someone to watch the kids, putting on clothes, finding cell phones, gathering the siblings, finding the keys, and getting in the van became difficult tasks.  It was crazy and honestly, I cannot even tell you how it happened, but it happened very quickly. 

When we arrived at the hospital we were told we needed to go wait in the chapel for the doctor. For the record, their idea of a chapel was nothing more than a linen closet with a bunch of chairs.  I knew at that point that whatever they were going to tell us............ it was not going to be good news. You start to panic, you can feel your heart sinking, you try to think positive, you hold on to a belief that this is just a very bad dream. Next thing we know a case worker is in the room with us telling us that he is there to offer help,...... again not a good sign.  So we do the only thing that we know will bring us some peace as we contiue to wait and that is pray..... Finally, after what seems like days....... but has only been a short time, the ER doctor shows up.  In the least compassionate and least tactful way he spits out a bunch of stupid information. After he is done babbling my mother looks at him and asks him the only question we had wanted answered, "IS HE ALIVE?"  To which he curtly answers yes, and the informs us he had gone into cardiac arrest, died, and was currently in the Cath Lab. ( I do understand that ER doctors have a tough job, but I do believe that if he had ever been through that experience with his family he would have been more empathetic and kind)  As soon as they knew more .... we would know more.  No one knew how long he had been down or what had really happened that morning.  So at this point all we have are more questions.

The next person we see is Dr. Olsen. She is "wicked smart" (according to the nurses) .(I have been called wicked, but never wicked smart. :>)  She was in the cath lab with him. She told us that he had gone into cardiac arrest.  She and her team had gone in and done an angiogram to see what they could find and fix. His bypass that he had 16 years prior was no longer any good.  However, his heart had created its own bypass but had not suffered a heart attack.  They could fix nothing right then but talked about a pacemaker, defibullator and more bypass later.  They were impressed with his heart and what it was doing on its own.  He had not regained consciousness at any point after he went down.   But he had fought being intubated so she said that was a positive. They were putting him in a medically induced coma and taking his core temperature down.  They needed his heart to rest and by "freezing" him it would allow time for healing of the heart and brain.  They were unsure how long they would keep him in that coma (2 days at least), they were unsure if he would ever wake up, they were unsure if he woke up what he would be like, they were unsure what the future held.  But for the moment, he was stable in critical condition and as soon as they got him to ICU we could see him. 



So more waiting and it seemed like forever, but we finally permitted to go back.  When we walked in.......... there was my Dad.  So many machines, so many tubes, so many wires, so many sounds.  It was like I was walking right back into the NICU.  The fear of the unknown was right there staring me in the face again.  I was flooded with emotions and feelings that I had hidden and healed from........ or so I thought.  Lying on a bed with no signs of life was the man who was laughing with me about how no one was fighting over spending time with he , mom or I.  (Adam was getting ready to go back to Chicago and everyone wanted to hang with him, but we thought it was funny).  The man who 2 days prior was speaking at his Step-Father's funeral and, of course had us laughing through our tears about his "great" grandchildren.  The man that the day before was shaking leaves on the trees so my kids would have more leaves to play in and rake up.  The man that had just asked me what he could do for me, and when my only request was his famous fudge cake, without skipping a beat he was in the house making me one. 

How could this happen?  How could he go from being so vibrant and laughing the night before ....to  lying in a bed and possibly never wake up again?!?!?!  So many emotions, so much fear and uncertainty.  When you are in that moment you don't want him to not wake up, but you also don't want him to wake up if it is going to be horrible for him either.  So again more waiting........ The support and prayers were amazing.   They were the only things that got us through those scary moments.  I could not even tell you who all showed up that day, I know that everyone that did brought with them comfort, peace and strength.  Family that had been in town for the funeral were there, they all changed their flights to be close.  We cried together, told stories, laughed, cried some more and waited.  I will never forget when a dear friend of mine, that I had not seen in a couple of years, walked in....... she put her arms around me to give me a hug all I could do was sob.  Sob to a point that I wasn't sure I could breathe or even hold myself up. She just held me until I could breathe.



We were at the hospital all day. At 5:00 they kicked us out until 7:00 while they traded shifts.  We went back to the house to regroup and get a plan.  This was the point we decided we needed to take shifts.  The kids were confused and needed some normalcy.   We were tired and knew we all were going to need some time away from the hospital. The night shift was easier for me so that I could be home with the kids during the day. (Plus when Dad had his open heart surgery that is the shift I took, it was "our" time together, a precious time)  For days,  I paced, watched tv, paced,tried reading a book, and paced.  But those quiet moments are moments that no one can take away from me.  Whether I was watching and waiting, or helping dad with things he couldn't do for himself, talking to him, listening to him breathe, or walking through the ICU with him....... those are memories I will hold dear forever!!!  Adam stayed with me one night and in the early hours he looked at me and said,"this sucks______,"  I agreed with him.  But then Dad opened his eyes and smiled!!!  Between the tears, he said, "but this makes it all worth it."

When Dad finally starting waking up...... he decided he was going to let us know he wanted to be back with us.  He wanted us to know he was a fighter and he was not going to be slow about it.  He did not like the vent, or the feeding tube so he was going to get them out as soon as possible.  He started by merely turning his head to face whoever was talking in the room, then his eyes opened, he started answering yup and squeezing our hands.  (We could tell he was nervous because he would chew on his lips, I cannot imagine what it would be like to wake up, not know where you are, how you got there, and then to try and communicate only to find you can't.) As the days progressed so did Dad.  He would push a little too hard during the day and by night he would regress a little.   But he is a determined fighter and still continued to amaze everyone around him. 

One day, his heart started acting up again.  Doctor said we needed to get his pacemaker, defibrillator put in sooner rather than later.  However, because of his fractured ribs his lungs were struggling and he was beginning to get some fluid in them or so they thought.  As they started doing more testing they realized there was fluid outside of them. They had to go in and remove it.  As soon as they removed the fluid with a needle and hose (gross process) his lung re- inflated and surgery was scheduled for the next day.  After surgery, we were moved to a different floor and the grandkids could finally see their grandfather. And I got a pull- out bed.  Wow, best sleep in days!!!

 As we get farther away from the "event" more of the puzzle pieces are coming together.  There is still so much to write about and so much to say but I will end here for now.  I am going to write a post about the "miracles" that we were blessed enough to see.  They are amazing!

In the meantime:A lot of people have been asking how and what they can do to help Dad. Now that he is home from the ICU after going into Cardiac Arrest he faces new struggles. Right now we know he cannot return to work anytime soon and possibly never. As you can imagine, the medical bills are mounting and not having an income is stressful.  We want Dad to focus on healing!! An account has been set up at America First Credit Union and any donation no matter the amount will help ease that burden. We, as a family want to thank everyone for all of your prayers, meals, time, support and love!!!  Go Team Bruce!!!  Account #27339522/ P.O. Box 9199 , Odgen Utah 84409